Diamond in the dross
for: Debbie, whom I still love, and for Rose, who still loves me
We were golden in our morning hour.
By afternoon, we were bronze.
In tin we were at night, we remarked our aging.
Transmutation by alchemy reduces us to dross.
But I still remember you, the diamond in the dross.
But that’s all: a diamond, maybe in the dross.
merely in the memory.
I haven’t forgotten your name.
Alas, I’ve forgotten everything else –
what brought us together?
what broke us apart?
The metallurgy of the years is unkind.
Mere chemistry haunts us as we live.
Mere chemistry hunts us down,
and finally decides our termination.
We were victims of our chemistry.
You were victim to my chemistry,
I was victim,
there were no victims.
I am responsible for not knowing This?
Neither of us were responsible for anything.
We are all responsible. We can’t decide, we do decide.
There is no responsibility; but there is decision.
The moment demands decision. Decisions happen.
We take the credit, the blame.
It wasn’t me, but it was who I was.
What I am is not a person you could have known.
I don’t know him. I just am.
The chemicals merge molecules, uncaring, it’s just what they do.
We are left to – well, we are just left here,
riding the atoms into something like oblivion.
This ‘we’ we are, it’s what we live with, caring or not.
It doesn’t care.
We care. I know I do.
I just don’t know anything anymore.
Life happens because chemicals cannot decide anything.
They continue to metaphorphize.
The grave is only their last transmogrification.
They give birth to us.
They surrender us when they have had enough.
I never had enough of you; yet we had enough of each other.
I hope, since then,
you’ve enjoyed all that living could mutate for you.
For me, it has only said, ‘watch and learn.’
Except, – it doesn’t say anything.
Listen then to the dumb and mute being of life.
It speaks eloquently. It has nothing to say.
Our passing limits our understanding.
The uncaring atoms continue their dance without us.
The planet spins in regular orbit about the sun.
I count the change in my pocket and think,
about bills to pay.
The Astro Boy essay will be continued. I simply had to get this out of my system. Sorry for the delay; sorry for the introspection.
(But it’s my blog, if you want something else, post your own blog!)